Spanglish

Aunt Shauna speaks Spanish. We're going to Cancun in a week and a half. You'd think this would be the ideal time for Shauna to teach us some of what she knows. You would be very very wrong. The following e-mail is what I got when I asked for some handy Spanish phrases for the monolingual traveler. Shauna clearly does not have our best interests at heart, although she did throw in phonetic phrasing so we'd be able to pronounce our doom clearly.
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Handy Spanish Phrases

1. Get out of here! I’m watching TV! (Mason’s request)
Salga de aqui! Estoy mirando la tele! [Sal guh day ah key! Es toy meer ahn doe lah tay lay!]

2. Let’s go to the beach! Vamos a la playa! [Vah moes ah la plie ah!]

3. I think the maid stole my money. Creo que la criada me robo de mi dinero. [Cray oh kay la kree ah dah may row bow day me dee nare oh.]

4. That stuff looks cheap and I don’t want to buy it. Sus cosas se me parece barato y no quiero comprarlas. [Soose koe sahs say may pah ray say bah rah toe E no key air oh comb prahr lahs.]

5. Come on in. I’m naked in the shower. Usted puede entrar. Estoy desnudo/desnuda (depending on if you’re a boy or girl saying it—a for girl, o for boy) en la ducha. [Ooh stead pway day in trar. Es toy dace nood ah in la doocha.]

6. Where is the bathroom? The food was not very good. It’s an emergency! Donde esta el bano? La comida estaba mal. Es una emergencia! [Dohn day es tah el banyo? La coe mee dah ace tah bah mahl. Ace oonah ah mare hence E ah!]

7. I brought lots of money and I’m ready to spend it! Traje mucho dinero y estoy listo/lista (depending on boy or girl) para gastarlo! [Trah hay moo cho dee nare oh E es toy leese toe pah rah gas tar low!]

8. I’m an American. You should treat me like royalty! Estoy Americano/Americana (boy or girl). Debe tratarme como derechos. [Es toy Ah mare E kahn O. Day bay trah tar may coe moe day ray chos!]

9. I want another room. This one smells like a dead animal. Quiero otro cuarto. Este cuarto huele como un animal muerto. [Key air oh oh troh kwahr toe. Ace tay kwahr toe hway lay coe moe oon ahn E mahl mwair toe.]

10. I lost my wallet and I will do anything for 50 dollars. Se me perdio mi dinero y hare qualquier cosa para cincuenta dolares. [Say may pear dee oh me dee nair oh E R ay kwal key air coe suh pah rah sin kwin tah doe lair ace.]
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The subject line in this e-mail said "Let me know if there are any others you want to know." Why yes, Shauna, how about, "My sister is a complete dork and gave me these phrases because she is secretly jealous of my brains and beauty. Also my sister is beginning to act just like her madre." Ha, that last one'll get her!